Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Regrets... I've had a few, but then again...

So we're at an interesting point in our journey and I guess what I'm constantly doing is evaluating where I/we are and how I/we got here.

We are now much closer to the end of the first part of our journey than we are to the end. We only have one school week left in the academic year (at the time of writing) so this feels like a time to look both backwards and forwards.

The aim of this post is to lay out the questions that we asked ourselves and anyone might want to ask should they be facing a move or even a big change either within or outside of their country.

I'll be laying out the process we went and went through and are going through as we evaluate our situation. This basically falls into two parts; deciding to go and deciding to stay.

Should we make a change?

This is always a difficult question. Is change for the sake of change worth it? 

Well yes and no. Change is the only way we can grow, but there is always a cost and the cost may not be restricted to you. 

Let's look at our decision to move. 

Firstly there is the ongoing question of whether or not we could afford this. There is always a financial cost and it is useful to sketch out some of those here in case anyone is considering anything like this, however unlikely that may be. There were a bunch of upfront costs that we hadn't even considered that occurred during the process.

1: Accommodation 

Not accommodation that you are moving to, but your accommodation at home. If you are renting, this is less of an issue, but you still need to factor in notice periods and how (or if) you will get your deposit back. If you are a home owner you need to decide whether to sell or rent you property out.

We were in the fortunate position of being homeowners, however we don't own our property outright, there is still a considerable sum left on the mortgage. I'm not pleading poverty here - I freely recognise my privilege and am suitably humbled by it - but I do need to point out that there is an ongoing monthly cost that we cannot afford to shoulder given our current financial situation. We needed to either rent our house out or sell it. We chose to rent.

Selling Up?

If you own a property and sell you need to take into account the issues of stamp duty, costs incurred in paying off a mortgage early (if you are on a fixed rate), conveyancing and dozens of other things that will nibble away at your finances. The bonus is that at the end of the process you will have a big lump sum from the sale. The downside is that you are unlikely to be able to invest in a way that will keep pace with the rising cost of housing - life is easier in the short term, more difficult long term, if you plan to return that is.

Renting Out?

Renting is a right old palaver and there are numerous upfront costs that we really had never thought about. First is that you need a whole range of certificates to ensure your property is safe - a full electrical and gas inspection is required - we failed our electrical inspection and the cost of putting right the works was over six hundred pounds! To be fair, we really needed to sort the electrics out. We apparently had a live circuit that was connected to... well we still don't know!

Also you need to give the people who will take a chunk of your rental income every month a bunch of money in advance before they then slice a chunk of your income across a period of months and years! Well you do if you use an agent, which we did. There is an upfront fee payable directly to them for... reasons? 

Also you end up paying to empty your own house of things you have acquired, are mostly useful, but people apparently don't want because they 'may go on fire' or 'have seen better days' or 'are not to everyone's taste' or 'disrupt the flow' or some other crap. Actually getting rid of some of the pieces of perfectly good furniture we had in the house cost us money! We even hired a skip - and filled it. I'm not entirely sure where a skipful of material was stored in our house, but it was.

Not an actual picture of our clearance efforts, but a reasonable representation.

Now we gave to friends, we put in storage, we gave to charity, we just plain gave away on the street, plenty of stuff, but in the end there was a huuuuugggeee quantity of 'stuff' still lying around. This costs to get rid of it turns out.

So renting has some upfront costs and some interesting experiences to offer it seems. The costs themselves certainly ran into the very low thousands, which fortunately we were able to spread across a fairly long period.

The upshot of course is that someone else will pay some or all of the mortgage - if you get a tenant. And that is not a guaranteed thing!

In the end this was the best of a set of complicated situations that we faced in this decision, but ultimately we were well placed to make these choices and we are in the incredibly fortunate position of having a property to come back to live in when we return - just not in the summer when we come back on vacation!

2: Change in wages 

It may be that you could be moving to improve your circumstances and will be paid more. In terms of international teaching, this is actually not that likely. Gone are the days you could swan off to parts foreign and take a massively inflated, tax free pay cheque. Most of the jobs I looked at (bar one I think and that was very much an outlier and very competitive) were much lower paid than my teaching job back home. Okay I was at the top of the pay scale and held a responsibility post, but still. Also Nicola was earning more than I was. She had no job. So one consideration is can you afford to move?

A random picture of some money - in case you needed a visual illustration... it's not even pounds either!

Without going into too much detail and getting into crass discussions of relative wages a decent expat salary in a country like the UAE is still lower than the equivalent domestic one, but is tax free. In Malaysia it is lower and taxed. I looked at a typical job in Abu Dhabi and the wage, whilst tax free, would have been only just sufficient to manage on. One key perk though was that this offer did include housing, so the comparisons need to be made very carefully.

When looking at this you need to also factor in the cost of living, the loss of future pension income and numerous other elements. When we chose Malaysia we knew that we would be taking an initial financial hit, but with payback further down the line. The question is in any move - can you afford that upfront loading?

3: Change in lifestyle 

Once the logistical issues have been evaluated and you decide it is possible to make a move, the next question is whether there is any benefit to doing so. You need to decide if this is going to improve your overall quality of life and whether or not you will get anything out of the experience you would otherwise not get and would enhance your life.

This is a much more nebulous question and will very much depend on your personal circumstances, world view and overall attitude and approach to life. 

From my point of view I have traded like for like in terms of the quality of my working circumstances - some things are easier, some more challenging. On balance it is still pretty good - there is less direct pressure than there was in the UK, but there are bigger and more strategic challenges here. 

My school and team are less well established - I feel like I've stepped back about nine years. I've written before about how much I miss my school in the UK and this is entirely because of the people I worked with and deep connections I had with the teachers and students there - starting over is always hard and it is a permanent part of the international scene, which is by its very nature much more transient that the teaching environment in the UK. However, overall there are fewer day-to-day issues to deal with and I teach about half the number of students, so that leads to a consequent drop in the workload.

• One key factor that makes the equation more finely balanced is the commute. My school is a 45 minute journey from my house - it's a interesting drive, both challenging and beautiful at the same time. The commute back in the UK was 30 minutes door to door and was also quite a nice drive in terms of scenery, but not as impressive as driving up a rain forest covered mountain. However it gave me an extra 30 minutes of personal time in each day by comparison. Do I really notice the difference? Well yes, particularly on the way home. Does it make that big a difference given there is a reduction in my overall workload - not so much, but it kind of feels like it.
• Looking at how you commute is important. We initially looked a Singapore, where car ownership isn't necessary - this probably would have suited us well, but here we have the freedom to drive and we have used that as an opportunity to explore the country. The flip side is a longer, more environmentally unfriendly commute. The balancing act will depend on what your aims are in making a change and what sort of circumstances you came out of. Living in London a 45 minute commute would seem like a blessing!

The question of whether an overall improvement in circumstances will occur is the one that needs to be addressed carefully and holistically. In our case it was thinking about whether we would spend more quality time together as a family, reduce our work stressors, improve the environment that Thomas would have to grow up in and experience things that we would otherwise never be able to do if we remained in the UK.

We are spending more time together at key points, but not much more during the working week. We do have a routine, but it is not so different from the one we had in the UK - the net benefit comes from the fact that Thomas has access to considerable numbers of high quality after school activities. These are baked into the international school environment and are the sorts of things we had to ferry him to and from after school in the UK and pay a premium for, albeit a comparatively small one. Swimming, cricket, music lessons, art lessons, crafting, Lego club, eco-brick (still not sure what that is...) etc are all free to access. The only reason Thomas isn't doing five after school clubs a week is that one of them was cancelled by the weird rules that the Ministry of Health and the Ministry of Education imposed on schools. He has also learned to swim and we use the pool on our estate nearly every day. As a result of this and the fact the the school has its own Olympic sized pool Thomas can now easily swim 100 metres confidently in both breaststroke and freestyle and  is more than happy in the water in a way he wasn't just nine months ago. 

This is the pool that we have free access to every day... not too shabby!

Nicola has switched from full to part time, but this is necessary as childcare is more problematic. At home Thomas would often have been in wraparound care until 5pm and sometimes (more frequently than I care to admit) until 6pm - which he did enjoy, but was a source of some concern and guilt for us as parents. This changed radically thanks to Covid - first lockdown actually gave us more quality time together and then Nicola was working from home and able to collect Thomas more easily. 

This was beginning to pivot back to pre-covid routines a little towards the end of our time in the UK and I could easily see the old ways reasserting themselves. Thomas would once again be brought up in the company of strangers. Here in Malaysia, Thomas is either picked up by Nicola or one of our friends on the estate whose son also goes to the primary.

Where we live Thomas is able to enjoy being outside and playing more freely than at home and he can have the kind of childhood experience that is becoming increasingly rare in the UK. We don't have to worry about where he is (okay, we still passively do, but then again I think a parent always will), we don't have to worry about what he's up to (see previous parenthesis).

Nicola and I both had good social networks outside of the work environment and leaving these behind was a huge wrench. We also both had hobbies and trained with clubs that we had been with for quite some time. Leaving this behind was very hard and some of it, the friends and colleagues, cannot be replaced or substituted. Even the personal activities can't really be replaced. There are plenty of things to do here, but the level of involvement Nic and I had with our respective hobbies is not easy to replicate. However, given that this move is temporary we know that these will be there on our return, so this is not a loss, just a comparatively brief pause, even though it feels like a loss at times.

If you are contemplating a move, this is a really important consideration. Can you manage without that support system that enriches your life beyond your workplace and immediate family?

So on balance we have some net gains in terms of lifestyle, but these are marginal when looked at next to the temporary costs. What does stand out is the opportunity for unique experiences that are not available at home - visiting tropical islands and snorkeling across coral reefs, seeing orangutans and elephants in their natural habitats, spending time in tropical environments, visiting cities in South East Asia, living in a completely different society and seeing how other parts of the world live.

So again, on balance, there are net gains that cannot be substituted for in any other way.

However... 

4: What will we miss out on?

Okay I know this is a negative way of looking at a change, but it something you have  to consider. 

We are missing out on birthdays, social gatherings, time with parents/grandparents, sporting events and all manner of moments in people's lives that we would otherwise be a part of. This year we have missed out on attending a wedding of long time friend, something that I really regret. This is a constant shadow over everything we do and this is something that you must remember - unless you are a disconnected psychopath you will feel this. IF you don't then it speaks volumes. The fact is that you need to be aware of this and conscious that this will play on your mind. 

5: What unique opportunities will you have access to?

Okay, this is the real reason why we moved. A good question to ask is will you have opportunities in your move that you would otherwise never have had? 

In our case the answer is a resounding yes. We have been to a tropical island and snorkeled a coral reef - never done that before, probably won't ever do it outside of our time in Malaysia. We are booked in for a trip to Singapore, we are planning a trip to Borneo, we are looking at going to Japan (something we could only ever dream of prior to this point), we are going to go to Thailand and Vietnam as well, if we can fit it in.

We have taken a cooking class in Malay cuisine and will attempt to learn Mandarin or Bahasa (can't decide which yet - Bahasa is easier, Mandarin more useful once we leave). We have seen flora and fauna that I had only ever seen before in documentaries - I can now answer the question 'why did the monitor lizard cross the road? ', predictably their motivations appear to be identical to those of the chicken. 

We have seen oceans that we'd never dreamed of seeing, mountains unlike those we'd seen before, plains filled with paddy fields and rainforest covered hills. 

We've been to a Buddhist temple at Chinese New Year,  been to a batik factory, visited the famous Georgetown street art, seen a full blown lion dance and countless other unique cultural experiences that would be impossible otherwise. 

All of this and more still to come. 

When thinking of a change, particularly if it is a significant move, the range  of new experience you will have access to will be a huge factor in the decision making process. 

To summarise

Taking the decision to make a significant life change need to be balanced very carefully. This may be my very cautious nature, but I am working in the context of having a family to support and thinking way into the long term - I'm considering the impact on Thomas's future, the resources and support we will be able to offer him in the longer term, our job situation beyond the immediate future and even what our plans will be in fairly concrete detail when we return.

It could be that you have fewer ties and considerations or that you have even more, but in any case you need to think about the various factors that will impact you and will need to evaluate how much impact these will have on your personal and financial reserves.

What to do before you go? (Time for some more travel bloggy, listicle style stuff... well it is a travel blog of sorts.)

When you move to somewhere new you have a range of decisions to take - where to live, what to do with your time, how to get around, how to budget. This may seem like an overwhelming logistical challenge, but with a bit of research and planning you can manage. It also really helps to do some groundwork before you leave and here are some of the things we did - beyond the legal requirements of visas etc - to prepare.

1: Do you research about where to live and, if necessary, engage an agent (estate, not secret).

We spent a lot of time looking at accommodation in several countries and localities within those countries before we moved to Malaysia - I'm now something of an expert in properties within a key price range in certain districts of Bahrain, Kuala Lumpur, Singapore and Penang... Okay 'expert' is clearly an exaggeration, but the point is that I did my due diligence, balancing travel times, facilities and neigbourhoods and I'd certainly suggest this as first step, but unless your employer (and some schools will do this for you) will sort accommodation out for you, you really need the local knowledge a good estate agent will bring.

We engaged the help of a fantastic estate agent call Eunice Ooi. She literally went the extra mile - she gave us virtual tours of the area, organised cable internet for us, negotiated the rental and the list could go on and on. She still is our first port of call when we need something doing to the house and I'd recommend her to anyone thinking of moving to Penang.

The broader point is that we were able to secure good quality furnished accommodation that meets our needs as a family before we actually even left the UK. This alleviated one of the biggest stress factors we could have had and my advices would definitely be to do this. Even if you are able to get into the country in advance of starting work, you don't want to endlessly drag yourself from viewing to viewing in your first few weeks. Try to get a good recommendation and go with an agent - you won't regret it!

(Here's a link to Eunice's business site on the off chance anyone reading this is likely to find themselves moving here - https://euniceooirealtor.com/ )

A quick google search will give you links to any number of blogs and websites aimed at expat across the globe (for example: https://www.expatarrivals.com/  https://www.expatica.com/global/ https://www.expat.com/) and these will all tend to have good area guides with details about the popular spots for expat rentals.

2: Make sure that you have your paper work in place and at the legal level required for entry.

Almost all UK documents are entirely useless outside of the UK. They are, in fact, mostly useless inside to UK too. My degree is meaningless (cue to the jokes about a degree in English), my marriage certificate is not worth the weirdly proportioned paper it is printed on and my driver's license needs another license to work properly. In most cases you need to get an apostille for any and all documentation - that is something I'd never heard of before starting this whole palaver. 

Also you may need a whole raft of medical tests before you can get immigration status to certain territories and these can be expensive and invasive. It was going to be about £500 and a lot of scanning and poking to get the necessary permits to go to Bahrain.

You need to start this process well in advance of leaving - we started document gathering over six months before our flight date. We were lucky as our HR did most of the legwork and kept us constantly updated. Had I taken a job with one of the other schools I would have been pretty much on my own as they leave that up to the incoming teacher - yikes!

3: Check shipping costs and restrictions.

We have seen this turn from and inconvenience into a nightmare for some people. The cost of shipping went through the roof this year with fuel increases and huge demand spikes, but even when we went the shipping allowance didn't cover what we needed.

My advice would be to travel light and live light - we all need to do this anyway, but given the difficultly of moving around the globe now, light and fast is the way to go.

Also - be prepared for this to take a long time. We shipped our goods in July and they didn't arrive until December.

4: Research transport options.

The last thing you want when you arrive is to be stuck with no way to leave your accommodation. Do your due diligence and work out the best way to get around before your leave your home country. I was lucky enough to have the time to do this and we worked out that buying a new local car was the most cost effective thing to do given the depreciation and tax breaks on buying Malaysian cars. We were able to book a car whilst in the UK and this speeded the process up no end!

You may not want to go down this route - if you go to Singapore then a car is practically unnecessary given the cost and efficiency of public transport. Penang does not match this at all so a car becomes the only realistic option.

5: Spend time with friends and family.

You will need that social 'top up' before you go as the impact of homesickness will come along sooner and keener than you would imagine.

Visit your favourite places with your favourite people - indulge yourself before you leave. It may not be too long before you are back, but given what just happened this last two years we really can't be sure about anything any more.

What to do when you arrive?

When you arrive at a new destination you still will have to orientate yourself, actually find where you are working in relation to where you are living and how to get between the two. You will also need to find out where the 'things' are - parks, shops, restaurants, medical facilities, banks etc.

Hopefully your HR will help here - ours did. They literally arranged the whole thing for us! However you need to have that checklist and make sure that you get local bank accounts organised asap. 

We found 'Waze' was a vital app - it is by far the most popular navigation app in Malaysia.

We also found that there were dozens of useful local apps - I actually have an entire page of Malaysia specific apps on my phone. This kind of knowledge is really useful and being pointed in the right direction by local and expat colleagues is the best way to get this information - use the local knowledge at every chance!

Get the chance to walk the neighbourhood if possible (not every destination people emigrate to will have the opportunity to do this - good luck walking far in Dubai in the middle of the hotest month!) or if not try to take a tour and find the local spots for shopping, eating and entertainment. We were lucky that within walking distance of our house is a park, a set of convenience stores and a number of restaurants and hawker stalls - a useful find. 

Get to know the immediate area as quickly as you can - scope out transport options, leisure and shopping - in short get your eye in on the things that will make your life that much easier and more pleasant as quickly as you can.

Should we stay or should we go?

So one thing about the immigrant experience (I resist using the term expat - that's just rich westerners ignoring the fact that they are as much an immigrant as the day labourer working on the building project down the street!) is the transitory nature of it. Most teaching contracts are only a year long and in other businesses contracts of a few months at a time are not unusual. 

Inevitably the question of should we stay or should we go comes up fairly quickly then.

For us this is a challenging question, but the factors that influence this decision will be the same ones that anyone will need to look at.

1: Is it financially viable to either a) stay or b) return.

These are two different calculations. I have spoken to people who worked in tax free environments with huge pay packets, but who saved nothing and had little to show from their lifestyle beyond experience - not that experience alone is not worth having. This is fine for the short term, but makes long term life plans somewhat challenging. We are working in a part of the word where we pay tax and are not paid at the rates offered or with the perks of being in the Middle East, but we are able to save. This calculation will be very much dependent on your individual lifestyle choices and plans, but it is necessary to build this into your planning.

The cost of returning is something that needs to be very carefully considered. Many of my colleagues returning to the UK this year have been hit by shipping bills in the many thousands of pounds, visa issues for non-UK spouses or children who hold different passports and costs of repatriating pets.

There is also the massive cost adjustment to living in the UK - it is more expensive here. Not the histrionic amounts seemingly touted by the media or the inflated pronouncements of the serial immigrant (oh I could buy a dinner for my entire family and have it served upon gold plated platters for the cost of a bag of crisps here...), but there is a difference. I've already written about the cost of living gap and it's not that big or literally everyone would be out there living the life or Reilly, but it is different and you cannot live the same way in two different countries. You do need to make that adjustment to your finances and your way of living and accept that as part of the change.

The best way to deal with this is to plan - plan for being away and plan for returning. We are also travelling light - as short term immigrants we are not shipping large quantities of stuff with us, just enough to get by and enough to make it feel homely enough whilst we are away. This allows us to be flexible and also cuts down on the expense of moving. We are also lucky enough that in Malaysia all employees and employers can use something called the EPF - basically a government superannuated savings scheme. Again factoring this in has been important.

In short you need to have a plan - certainly you need one if you are taking a family with you. 

2: Are you enjoying it?  

This is a subjective question at best, but one that is important to take into account. We moved to do something different - I love my home and job and didn't want to leave. I haven't enjoyed being away as much as I did being at home, but I recognise the positive and unique elements of the experience, so that makes it worth while. Also next year will be considerably better as the financial situation and the job situation will improve. However you should never do anything you don't enjoy - life is too short to make yourself miserable. If it ain't working, do something else. I also recognise that I'm not the only one in the equation - Nicola and Thomas are enjoying the experience and this part of the world is not going to be accessible to us after this point. When looking at this questions, again you need to look at it in the round. 

3: What are your responsibilities?

This is a really tricky one. None of us exists in a void - we have responsibilities to everyone around us. To my shame, I left the country at a time when I could have done much good where I was. There were friends to whom I could have lent my support, causes I could have worked on, students I left at a critical point in their schooling. However, the world did not fall apart in my absence and it turns out I was eminently replaceable! 

This is just a fact of life - you can be replaced. You can enhance lives, but they will carry on without you, mostly just fine! That is a liberating and wonderful thing - you know you can add, but not being there won't take away. Mostly... 

There are some things though that you may need to weigh up carefully. 

Do you have any commitments that you must attend to - things that duty compels you to do? It could be that, like in our case, you have a duty to a property. This is something that we have been able to handle remotely and hopefully we are doing okay by our tenants. 

The commitment that will weigh most heavily is that of family - what you need to do to look after your family must come before all other things and it is this that often brings people back or keeps them in a place. Each circumstance will be different, but this is the thing that is usually the deal-breaker - just how long can you be away before things reach a critical point.

Relatives age - this is a fact of existence. They will not be with us for ever and we each need to be mindful that time is finite. This carefully balanced question is the one that most of the people I know who returned to the UK this year had to wrestle with and in many cases it was this question of time that brought them back.

To conclude...

So these are the issues that we are balancing as we make our plans for the next 12-24 months. Hopefully in putting this into writing it may help clarify this for anyone else thinking about something like this or wondering just what in the hell we were thinking!