How Do You Know you have and Elephant in your Fridge?

Naming the Elephant in the Room

I'm going to call him Jeremy - Jeremy the homesick elephant. There I've named it!

Jeremy is always there in the background; some days galumphing quietly just out of sight, others he is right there in full view trumpeting loudly.

Apparently homesickness comes in three month waves, or so I'm told, but I'm not convinced. Honestly, it's pretty much been a constant companion. Besides, this is month 5 or maybe even month 6 depending on how you count! Imagine that...

Okay the first month or so, not so much. We hadn't been away for what felt much more than an extended holiday, albeit a working one in my case. We were busy setting up the house, getting to grips with the weirdness that is settling into a completely alien culture and environment and generally speaking we hadn't much time to reflect (or in my case, mope).

However since then it's been a very different story. 

There are days when the feeling is less keen and I recognise fatigue and work stress (teaching is stressful at the best of times and my current situation is, by far and away, not the best of times) all contribute to a less positive mood, but it's far more than that.

I've written before about how this journey has made me realise that home is the North East - this is where I grew up, where the largest concentration of people I care most about are situated (I know there are family and friends all over the world, but most of them end up back in the good old North East at some point), where I understand the landscape, weather and culture, where the animal life isn't habitually trying to bite me!

What I have, probably rather inevitably, realised is that we take for granted what is around us. The students I'm teaching view Penang in the same way that my students at home viewed the North East - they don't see it as anything special.

Penang is special - for both good and bad reasons. It's a microcosm of South East Asia. The rampant overdevelopment, the extraordinary environment, the mixture of cultures, the weather - it's all here; the good, the bad and the weird! It is a place that is different from anything that Nic, Thomas or I would have ever have experienced otherwise and there are amazing sights to see and things to do over the next 18 months. Penang is a really cool place - I'd recommend anyone visit it, seriously, as much as I lament being away form home, this is a fairly great place to wash up!

A fantastic view from an island just of Tanjung Bungah beach that we kayaked to on a Sunday morning.

A representation in miniature bears of dragon boating on the damn at Telok Bahang - It's a representation of two cool things in Penang - Dragon boating and a Teddy Bear Museum!

Also, here's the Kek Lok Si Temple in Teddy Bear form!

Now, I'm not saying I took my home for granted. I don't believe for one moment that is the case. I've said on more that one occasion that there is no better place to end up. What I have become aware of is that other places may have amazing things to offer; they still just don't measure up to the place I call home.

The North East has a character that can be difficult to appreciate until you take a step back. The weather can be a limiting factor, but it doesn't rain that much and if it's cold, put a coat on! Some of the best outdoor experiences I've had have been in temperatures only a little above zero. 

Shots taken on a spectacular winter walk in the Simonside hills with a great friend - this was an amazing day.

Thomas now big enough to pull his mum down a snow covered street!

Okay the lack of daylight in the winter months can be a real bind, but then you get to enjoy the darkness - stargaze and appreciate the Christmas lights and other illuminations.

Pictures from the festival of lights at Gibside in December 2020 - one of the few events that actually took place that year!

Driving all over the area to find the best illuminations has been a really significant feature of Thomas's childhood and something that he and I did often during the first week or so of the Christmas holidays. I will always remember our trips to the Sunderland Glass Centre and the lights along Roker sea front, playing in the park near the harbour and marveling at the mural patterned after one of his favourite childhood books (man, I'm getting misty eyed just writing this...).

Thomas pointing out various scenes from 'The Pirate Cruncher'.

The hills and coast are amazing! Okay, we don't have the dramatic peaks of the Cairngorms or Snowdonia or the variety of uplands that the Lake District is host to, but the Cheviots are impressive in their own rights and we have plenty of other crags and peaks to distract the keen walker. We have superb beaches and castles everywhere - seriously they are literally everywhere (okay the beaches are limited to the coastal areas - I freely admit that). 

The spectacular coastline around Howick and Craster being... well, spectacular!

The view from up on the Cheviots - Windy Gyle to be precise - another example of Northumberland being amazing and we pretty much had the hill to ourselves at that point too!

When I showed the kids I'm teaching here in Malaysia a streetview of Tynemouth they were amazed that there was a castle just sitting at the end of the road and people were just walking by it like it was nothing! That really did make me take a step back. 

To be fair, it is stunning and the sky did decide to turn the drama all the way up to 11 on this particular day.

There has also been something of a renaissance at the coast. Whitley Bay has undergone regeneration and is now home to boutique shops and trendy cafes and bars. Tynemouth has been a hotspot for a while and continues to be a bit of a draw with the market, the bars and restaurant scene. Cullercoats has quietly developed a very nice café culture and the quayside in North Shields is now a really destination for food and entertainment. All of this has been despite (or possibly even because of) the impact of pandemic.

What I'm trying to say is that I miss my home. I miss it especially at this time of year. I know I will go on missing it until I return.

It is possible that I am experiencing what the Welsh term 'hiraeth' - the deep longing for an almost mythical home. I don't think I am imagining home as better that it is though. I think what is happening is that I am really keenly aware that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Honestly, I never thought it would be (okay, maybe I did a little) but now I'm sure it is not. 

Now I'm not suggesting that this move was a mistake (although there are times I am convinced it is or at least was convinced... maybe I'm getting used to the idea) nor am I suggesting that we haven't got some great experiences out of it so far. I'm also aware that there are many more experiences ahead, both bad and good. What is challenging is negotiating them at remove from the support system that you have been lucky enough to have around. Now this whole experience will no doubt increase our levels of resilience and develop our skills and knowledge, but that doesn't stop it from being hard! 

I have been lucky enough to be able to keep in contact with people from home through a variety of means, but it's not the same as knowing that they are just around the corner. This is also not my sandbox - or at least that seems to be the impression that I'm being given by some people here - and I keep being reminded that I am a stranger in a strange land and I don't know how things work. This can be very wearing indeed. Most people have gone out of their way to be helpful and welcoming, but some key relationships are less positive, making the whole situation much worse. Without going into too much detail there are some key elements of my life our here that are a constant battle and it's sometimes just a grind getting through a day. 

What I have come to appreciate even more than I already did is just how powerful it is to work in a team that is effective, supportive and friendly. Also what is becoming clear is just how progressive UK schools actually can be. There are some notable exceptions and some utterly retrograde practices but these are usually as a result of external impositions and the negative climate in the UK education system in general, not the result of individual teachers, students or schools.

My homesickness therefore is a product of a number of things; the fact that my house was a place I actually liked - it's lovely and has nurtured my family for 12 years now; the fact that I enjoyed and was good at my job - I really did leave after getting back to the top of my game again; the fact that I have a deep attachment and appreciation of my home county and wider country; the fact that when there I was in control (mostly) and understood how the environment and culture worked. However the biggest factor is the people.

I was and am lucky that I have amazing people in my life and it is this that makes the sense of homesickness so keen at times. Yes, I know the people will be there when I get back, yes I know I chose this, yes I know that there are opportunities, activities and experiences that would be impossible to have otherwise.

But I still miss my home, my friends and my family.

I'm lucky enough to be travelling with the two people who I am closest to and who are a part of me in the most intrinsic way possible - there are others who are not so lucky, they have had to deal with the isolation of teaching abroad during a pandemic without any support system at all - but the distance from the rest of my family, both chosen and blood, is hard to get past. 

Zoom, Facetime, WhatsApp, email, Facebook - they close that distance, but they don't bridge it completely. When I want to offer support it feels, well, like it's only words I can offer - because at this distance that is all I can offer. When I want to check in it is often none co-present and dislocated in time. I'm immensely grateful for the times I've had speaking to people directly and face-to-face and I have no idea how anybody did this before these technologies were invented. This has been a lifeline for us as a family and for me in particular, but it is a poor substitute for knowing that the people in question are at least in the same time zone.

Yes, we will be having some amazing experiences. We already have in fact. Yes, we are doing things that few people get the chance to do and fewer still will have that chance as the years pass. However it is the sharing of experience that makes it worthwhile. 

I am lucky to be sharing this experience with Nicola and Thomas - I have been spoilt by having a fantastic group of people around me with whom I could share work, leisure and general life experience too. This is the part of my life I miss the most.

I know this will all be there when we return and the story of everyone I know who has left and come back is that they slot back in as if nothing has ever changed. I hope that this is the same for us.

I guess what it comes down to is that I don't want to let go of what we had, but I want something new and different too - very much having my cake and eating it!

No doubt the homesickness will ease or, more likely, I will learn to deal with it. Yet in some respects I don't want to not be homesick. My homesickness is a badge of honour. A mark of the affection I have for home and all that it entails. As such I will just learn to allow the elephant to rumble around in the background and try to indulge him only very occasionally.

Until next we meet!

Love and best wishes.

John